The Big Picture

Lumina
is a bizarre mix of alien abduction, government conspiracy, and unintentional comedy.
The horror-thriller lacks genuine scares, with underdeveloped, unlikable characters and awkward pacing.
The unpredictable, incohesive film leaves viewers puzzled and questioning its intentions, providing an unusual viewing experience.

There are very few movies that have made me sit in deep reflection after viewing, hands clasped and eyes wide, wondering what in the hell I have just witnessed. For better or worse, some stories stick with you, and this debut feature by Gino McKoy is a truly bizarre film that you have to see to believe. Lumina is marketed as a horror-thriller but is more of a part road trip, part government conspiracy, and part accidentally hilarious space romp, featuring four dim-witted besties on an ill-fated mission to save their friend after an alien abduction. Sure to leave you with burning questions like “Are aliens real?”, “Whose severed head is that?”, and “Can I get my money back?”, if you dare to embark on the journey, Lumina is a viewing experience that will be remembered for light-years to come.

What Is ‘Lumina’ About?

To succinctly summarize the plot of Lumina would be akin to describing a muddled, nightmarish fever dream about aliens, lost love, and a guy who keeps getting nosebleeds and then sneezes out something that might be an extraterrestrial-implanted microchip. At the movie’s core are four friends-slash-ex-lovers, Alex (Rupert Lazarus), Patricia (Sidney Nicole Rogers), Delilah (Andrea Tivadar), and George (Ken Lawson), who, after the traumatic abduction of Alex’s girlfriend, Tatiana (Eleanor Williams), embark on a perilous rescue attempt.

As they uncover more about Tatiana’s mysterious past and Alex experiences haunting visions of her captivity, the team realizes that not only has the government been covering up nefarious alien activity, but they might also be working with the aliens themselves. Rife with abysmal visual effects and ill-timed pop culture references, Lumina is a messy and confusing endeavor that, granted, will leave you speechless, before you promptly turn it off and find something less arduous to watch.

‘Lumina’ Is an Alien Abduction Horror-Thriller Lacking Both Horror and Thrills
Image via Goldove Pictures

As far as Lumina’s horror goes, well, it really doesn’t go far at all. The movie has some genuinely strong moments of body horror, such as people in massive test tubes pared down to their spines, but the chills pretty much end there, save for one unexplained shot of an old woman in a wheelchair, literally just turning around and laughing while ominous music underscores the moment. At every chance it gets to scare its audience, Lumina shies away, which is surprising given the film’s R-rating. The spooky things are largely seen briefly or from far away, while the actual aliens — who unfortunately look like they clomped out of a Halo video game from 2003 — are given far too much screen time. Thankfully, the movie also shies away from sensuality, including a seemingly inevitable team hook-up from which the director mercifully refrained. The pacing of the film is just as peculiar, with long stretches passing where virtually nothing happens.

‘Lumina’s Characters Are Underdeveloped

Much like the script itself, the characters trudging through Lumina are aimless and, unfortunately, pretty boring. They do little other than walk around and sob, but to be fair, the actors doing the walking and sobbing are truly giving it their all. The real problem with these characters is that the women are given virtually nothing to do besides be hot and get abducted. While none of the protagonists are real scene stealers, Alex is at least portrayed as a somewhat heroic rescuer, while George is his quirky, flirty sidekick. Meanwhile, Tatiana only gets a few minutes of screen time to hang out with her boyfriend before she disappears in a blinding flash of light (not before there’s a gratuitous ass shot of her in a swimsuit), and Delilah and Patricia have no defining character traits except that Delilah is dying to win Alex back, and the always-vaping Patricia is falling for George’s weird charms. Even when Alex is describing Tatiana to the police after her disappearance, he gives some details, but then only describes her eyes as “beautiful.” The woman is missing, Alex! Give the cops an eye color and let them do their jobs!

Related The 13 Worst Horror Movies of All Time, Ranked According to Rotten Tomatoes Oh, the terror! …And not in a good way.

If at any point in the film you forget to look at these women solely as objects, don’t worry; comic relief George is always ready with a vaguely sexist comment. When they enter a government facility to learn more about the abductions, he quips “Ok ladies, time to lose the stilettos,” and I’m not sure if it’s more or less offensive that neither lady was, at the time, actually wearing stilettos. Later on, after a violent confrontation with an inexplicably cameoing Eric Roberts, the women can be seen shopping for new outfits because, as George reminds Patricia, her clothes are dirty, and she should probably take them off. Finally, in the movie’s climax, there’s potential for what could have at least been a half-hearted attempt at a girl power moment when the women are sent to create a diversion so that Alex and George can carry out the rescue. However, the moment culminates in Patricia and Delilah kind of just running away and hiding while the men fight the aliens and steal their weapons. While Lumina’s male-centric rescue fantasy vibes are nothing new (and certainly nothing surprising), they don’t make the film any less of a disappointment.

‘Lumina’ Is a Truly Unpredictable Experience
Image via Goldove Pictures

On a different note, to the credit of everyone involved, at no point will you know where Lumina is taking you. The movie is about as unpredictable as they come, ready to hit you with a decapitated goat or cut you off at the knees (literally!) at any given moment. Where you think Lumina will zig, it zags, and where you think it will move the plot forward, it instead ambles aimlessly for another 20 minutes. Whether it be from jarring jump cuts or scenes cobbled together as though somebody dropped filmstrips on the floor and then taped them together in random succession, the movie lacks any semblance of cohesion. Speaking of unpredictable, the movie, which is supposed to be about alien abduction, attempts to cram every action movie trope into its needless 2-hour runtime. There are gun fights, car chases, and explosions abound, but none of these things are done effectively.

Another element of Lumina that will certainly leave you confused is McKoy’s choice to use only his own original songs. With out-of-place bops like “Sensy Girl,” “Little Mizz Innocent,” and “Everything to me” blaring out at unexpected moments, it only gives the movie a stronger air of a low-budget vanity project. While it’s commendable that the filmmaker crafted his own (admittedly catchy) music, playing the songs multiple times when they didn’t match the tone of the film in the first place reeks of self-indulgence.

At the end of it all, it’s unclear if Lumina is anti-aliens, anti-government, or just anti-cinema. If you go into this one expecting genuine thrills and a compelling alien abduction story, you will likely leave the theater confused, disappointed, and wishing you’d spent the past two hours doing … quite literally anything else. However, if you approach Lumina in anticipation of Sharknado-level shlock and student theater-level overacting, then it might be time to don your tin foil hat and be transported to a baffling galaxy far, far away.

REVIEW Lumina (2024) ‘Lumina’ is a confusing, messy alien abduction story, lacking the horror and thrills it promises.ProsThere are some effective moments of body horror.”Sensy Girl” has been stuck in my head for three days. ConsThe characters, particularly the women, are flat and unlikeable.The writing is stilted, and the pacing is erratic.The special effects are distractingly bad.

Lumina is now playing in select theaters in the U.S. Click below for showtimes near you.

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