It’s a hazy, overcast morning in New York City, and Amrit Kaur is getting ready for a busy day of interviews in support of her series, The Sex Lives of College Girls. Wide-eyed and ready for what Thursday throws her way, the 31-year-old has an infectious energy that makes it easy to see she’s grounded and enthusiastic. Having just wrapped up breakfast and sharing how she loves heading back home when she can, Kaur is every bit of the Torontonian as you would imagine. Growing up in Markham, the actress is a major foodie and speaks about her love for Federick, a beloved Indian-style Hakka Chinese restaurant that is more than just a staple to those from the Greater Toronto Area — it’s a rite of passage.
When it’s suggested she should try another establishment, in the heart of Stouffville during our Zoom call, Kaur lights up at the sheer belief that this restaurant could be as good but nods her head excitedly through laughs: “I’m going to write it down, but I’m not going to believe it until I taste it.”
Unapologetically authentic and refreshingly unpretentious, it’s this affable characteristic that makes Kaur such a fireball of energy that speaks to her sincere love for connection. In the four short years of starring in the breakout comedy from showrunners Mindy Kaling and Justin Noble, Kaur has catapulted to new heights as a performer, attracting praise and critical acclaim for her role as the confident and deliciously fearless Indian-American, Bela Malhotra. It’s a role Kaur admits she is not only proud to be a part of but one that resonates so deeply with viewers, particularly those in the South Asian community.
“I’m so lucky and fortunate that I walk across the street, and people will say, ‘I love Bela! I’m so affected by Bela,’ and like, ‘Can I take a picture? My family loves you,’ and all of those things,” she says, almost feeling shy while praising Kaling and Noble for creating such an impactful character. “I’m very privileged and lucky that I get to play characters like this.”
But as Bela might have opened doors for her to tell stories about Indian women getting the chance to be ambitious, quirky and even sexual, it wasn’t until she won the Canadian Screen Award for Best Lead Performance in a Drama Film — the equivalent of an Academy Award — that Kaur truly grasped the depth and responsibility of her craft with director Fawzia Mirza’s groundbreaking and emotionally resonant film, The Queen of My Dreams. Not only did the film change a part of her life, but it also gave her a renewed understanding of her art.
‘The Queen of My Dreams’ Challenged Amrit Kaur Unlike Anything She’s Ever Done

Image via LevelK, TIFF

While Kaur believes “more people need to watch independent films,” she admits the Pakistani-Canadian coming-of-age dramedy blending intergenerational trauma gave the actress another perspective not just on life and her upbringing in an Indian Sikh home, but who she is as a performer above everything else. “It makes me understand why I have to be an artist and why I have to not make it about myself and make it about the storytelling,” she says. “That role did challenge me in that realm of revealing things I did not want to reveal about myself, which is, I think the job of an excellent actor is to reveal all the parts of humanity without judgment, and that’s something I’m working on.”
As the role required her to step outside her comfort zone and confront aspects of herself she was reluctant to reveal, the film is a testament to the power of personal growth and vulnerability. Following the relationship of a mother and daughter after the death of their family’s patriarch, The Queen of My Dreams tackles the complexities of identity and the unspoken bonds between generations. Through her dual portrayal of Azra, a young queer woman and flashbacks of her mother, Miriam, Kaur dives into the fine details of balancing cultural expectations and one’s true self, making it a deeply intimate yet universally relatable story.

I think the job of an excellent actor is to reveal all the parts of humanity without judgment.

“I still carry too much judgment. Some of those things with that character that I worked on revealing, that was hard for me to reveal… the way I speak to my mother, the way I disrespect my mother, the way I love my father more than my mother. The way I have judgment about the homeland. The way that I think I’m better than the homeland. My resistance to my sexuality,” she says, while giving herself pause. Kaur, in every beat of our conversation, is strikingly thoughtful and reflective as she admits it was a role unlike anything she had ever done so far in her young career. “That role challenged me to do so much internal work in a speed course because it was my job as an actor to reveal the human flaws through the character that are universal.”
After The Queen of My Dreams picked up six awards and 12 nominations across festivals and award circuits, Kaur says she wants viewers to look harder at the film and if possible, put themselves in the character’s shoes. “I would like someone to look at that movie and think, ‘Oh, my mother is just like me. My mother is my mirror. Yeah, I behave like that to my mother because she’s a reflection of me, and she behaves a certain way to me because she’s a reflection of her own mother.’ And maybe that can give us empathy towards each other, towards our mothers.”
Amrit Kaur Is Taking on Hollywood’s Bias by Rewriting the Story

Image via Paramount+

Having starred in the award-winning Brown Girl Begins, Kim’s Convenience and Star Trek: Short Treks, Kaur has been working hard in the industry and taking up some of the best roles yet. But it hasn’t come without its fair share of challenges. Growing up in an Indian-Sikh family on the outskirts of suburban Toronto, Kaur understands at the core of it all what it means to be stereotyped. While she has received positive feedback for breaking down barriers and representing young South Asian women outside archaic, outdated tropes with Sex Lives of College Girls, the bar is set higher for women of color.
“I spent a lot of time talking about other people’s racism, but to talk about my own racism? That’s also important,” she says softly. It’s at this moment that Kaur pauses and gives herself a moment to really get vulnerable. “I bought into the belief that my nose had to be different. I bought into the belief that I had to look like a Bollywood actress, which is changing — but often very colonial appearances.”
Kaur goes on to share how, early on in her career, she had agents who would tell her “the lighting [needed] to be changed” so that she would appear “lighter-skinned” on camera. “I had teachers that would tell me that I had to act from this angle because my face was more European-looking. I had teachers who told me to look at nose-contouring videos. I had an agent dissect my headshot and tell me that my nose didn’t look like a lead actress; when I smile, my nose goes down too much, and a lead actress doesn’t look like that. I had those physical things, but the problem was also that I bought it. I bought the lie,” she says dejectedly. “That’s where my culpability comes in.”

I bought into the belief that I had to look like a Bollywood actress… but the problem was also that I bought it. I bought the lie.

Acknowledging how she is an Indian woman first, Kaur says her reality is that she “will be treated in such a way” before anything else. “My intelligence has to acknowledge that people will treat me differently. They will treat me less than sometimes in any sort of environment,” she says. “I, unfortunately, will not be treated the same way as other races and other genders — that’s just the reality of this world. The work I’ve had to do is to know my internal work and know that that is unintelligent thinking — that I am less than because of my skin color or because of my gender is unintelligent thinking. The reality is, many parts of the world still think that, but I know who I am, and I will fight for myself, fight for my talent constantly.”
It’s why Kaur loves being the extremely sex-positive and hyper-memeable character, Bela in The Sex Lives of College Girls. Knowing that there are taboos surrounding sexual freedom for Brown women depending on their respective cultural expectations and traditional norms that often criticize sexual agency, Kaur recognizes the diaspora and what it means for a character like hers to express themselves through personal autonomy. But it wasn’t easy at first.
“Being a sexual character on screen was scary because I don’t see a lot of that as a South Asian woman. But I think that’s problematic,” she admits. “For the last couple of years, I’ve been asked often, ‘What’s it like to be a sexual character that’s South Asian on television?’ There are two billion South Asians in the world — we’re sexual! There are so many different stories. Not everyone’s sexual, but there’s a big population that is highly into embracing their sexuality. And yes, everybody is sexual to an extent, to a different degree. [But] that question is also problematic [because] that means that there needs to be more characters out there.”
Why Amrit Kaur Didn’t Tell Her Parents About ‘The Sex Lives of College Girls’ at First

Image via HBO

With parents who immigrated to Canada before she was born, Kaur is one of the millions who knows what it’s like to not only feel internalized conflicts of identity hybridity between two cultures and, often, acculturation, but she also knows what it means for a family to preserve its traditions. As it goes, Kaur wasn’t entirely upfront with her parents about the Max series, for good reason. “Well, at first I didn’t tell them the show is called Sex Lives of College Girls. I told them the show was called College Girls,” she laughs, adding how she worked to slowly ease them into it. “The beautiful thing was that as a result of the show, my parents and I got to have conversations about sexuality and having sex, which we never had before. South Asians don’t really talk about that. I mean, maybe that’s a unique family scenario. Occasionally, I hear someone talk to their parents, but I’m of the majority that does not, so the show really promoted that.”
Kaur admits there’s a legitimate “fear” from her parents about possibly being pigeonholed into one specific kind of role. “They get scared that I’m going to be typecasted into this. There will be words, like, ‘Don’t keep doing sexual characters. You don’t want to be typecast.’ And my thought to that is there’s this fear still to admit that or be seen as people who are sexual. Any character I do will be sexual because South Asians have sex. We have sex!”
But as it also goes, Kaur’s character and any other that comes after her series is more than just her skin color or background. She’s a woman first. In the case of Bela, she is not defined by her ethnicity or background to influence her to be a specific way. Instead, she has her own desires or passions, and she’s allowed to be quirky and outside the box. “I think Bela is phenomenally intelligent in that way. She doesn’t see herself as less than or more than anything because of her race, gender, or sexuality. She just doesn’t. She thinks she’s awesome — God created something awesome, and I love that. I think that is really, really important mentorship and really important activism.”

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“I think this idea of who should have those opportunities is something that we need to re-evaluate and look at.”

In the time Kaur and I have been speaking, it’s evident she is someone who is not only deeply reflective and so damn smart but highly self-aware and humble. Not taking anything for granted, she is in every way an activist and someone who understands the position she’s in with her voice. In addition to wanting to work alongside Amal Clooney one day or Christiane Amanpour, Kaur recognizes the challenges ahead and how those internalized barriers speak directly to the deeper themes she addresses in her work, where confronting self-doubt and dismantling imposed limitations is essential.
“I will say again, there is so much self-racism that I carry, and I know many other people of color carry and women carry self-sexism, so to see a character who does not abide by those rules is phenomenal. We go back to the facts. If we wrote down on paper, ‘I am less than because I am South Asian. I am less than because I’m a woman,’ that is unintelligent thinking. That is so unintelligent. Whoever created that is so unintelligent. So Bela is completely intelligent in that regard, and I love that about her. She has mentored me in that foreground.”
‘The Sex Lives of College Girls’ Gave Bela Her Happy Beginning

With The Sex Lives of College Girls wrapping up its third season on Max and Bela finally finding some peace, Kaur admits she’s proud of the evolution written into her character. “She has come a long way. She tries to be who she is told that she has to be, and she realizes that it’s not her,” she says, adding how by the end of the season, she’s “going back to her bones,” something we can all relate to. “I’ve done that in my life. It’s just like, ‘This is the person I’m supposed to date. This is the person that will make my family happy. I behaved so badly last year. How do I be a better person?’ And I don’t even know if I actually want to be a better person. I just want to erase everything I did before.”
Adding how Bela was “trying to fix her mistakes by trying to be a better person,” especially in dating Arvind (Nabeel Muscatwalla), who turned out to be a huge heartbreaker after he intentionally passed judgment on her partner count, Kaur admits it’s not that’s she’s trying to “erase her bad deeds” or “consciously” be a better person — it’s all about finding her core. Like how she connected this season with Taylor (Mia Rodgers), whom she took under her wing and became a strong mentor for.
“I think the thing from Season 1 people love about Bela is she is a people’s person. She loves people — and she’s matured from Season 1. That is a bones thing about her. That’s one of her root qualities. She loves people. She wants to make sure everybody’s happy. She wants to make sure everybody’s okay. But at the same time, she’s absolutely very self-obsessed — that’s her deadly sin that veers off of her spiritual self.”
When it comes to who Bela is to Kaur, it’s also a rather personal journey for the actress. “All of the characters I play, I play from myself. I’m not separate from my characters. The thing about myself is — and it’s a flaw and it’s amazing — that I like to transgress. I like to break barriers, I like to fuck shit up, and put it in the right lane. It’s fantastic,” she says. “We get amazing speeches, we get activism, we get great art. Put it in the wrong way, very close to criminal! Very close to criminal. So, there isn’t anything that shocks me in Bela because I am Bela, and I share that quality of doing shocking things.”

I like to break barriers, I like to fuck shit up, and put it in the right lane.

But Kaur admits with Bela being such a fierce individual and someone viewers unconditionally love for her confidence, the character is a “far braver” person than she is but encourages her to be gutsy. “Far braver. Would I like to fuck a mascot? Absolutely,” she laughs. “But we don’t actually do it the way Bela does it, right? We go into our bedrooms with our partners and play dress up in secret. But she’s like, ‘I don’t need to do it in secret. I’ll say it in public! You’re hot! I don’t know what you look like. In fact, stay that way!’”
Amrit Kaur Praises Showrunner Mindy Kaling for Her Contributions to Representation

Image Via HBO Max

With a character that is brilliantly written by Kaling, Kaur sings praises for the showrunner and icon who has made positive strides for the Indian community to be multi-dimensional and richly complex. “She’s a boss. To be in her position where there are so very few South Asians that are showrunners, and absolutely to the level that she is — she’s at a unique level. I wish more South Asians weren’t so hard on her and actually were harder on the system.”
Kaur goes on to share her support for Kaling, who has been at the center of criticism from her own community for stories that break taboos and blur the lines of tradition. Between The Mindy Project and Never Have I Ever, Kaling’s work often explores topics such as romance, sexuality, and identity in ways that some feel are too far removed from traditional South Asian values or cultural expectations. But Kaur doesn’t see it that way.

To be in [Mindy’s] position where there are so very few South Asians that are showrunners, and absolutely to the level that she is — she’s at a unique level.

“There’s this expectation that Mindy has to tell everybody’s stories, but she’s an artist. Her responsibility is to tell the stories she wants to tell. She’s doing that excellently.” While Kaling’s critics argue that a character embracing their American side while subtly critiquing aspects of her South Asian upbringing can sometimes sidestep a more authentic or inclusive representation, Kaur defends her, pointing out that, “It’s the industry’s job to have way more South Asian voices so that the number of stories matches the more than two billion South Asians there are in the world. You can’t possibly expect one person to do that.”
As the burden of representation should never fall solely on one’s shoulders, Kaur also highlights the disproportionate scrutiny Kaling faces as a successful South Asian woman in Hollywood, where the expectations are often unrealistically high. “The fact that she continues to make art at her level with the amount of success that comes with so much scrutiny is extraordinary. I’ve had the privilege of having many one-on-one conversations with her where it’s like, once you reach excellence, backlashes and the bullets are destined to come. That’s a testament to reaching excellence and greatness and success.”
Amrit Kaur Is at Home With Gracemoon Arts

Image courtesy of Gracemoon Arts

With Sex Lives of College Girls now wrapped (for the time being) and exciting film projects on the horizon following her award-winning role in The Queen of My Dreams, Kaur’s journey is far from slowing down. Outside of Bela Malhotra, Kaur is ready to explore new artistic frontiers, seamlessly blending her love of theater with transformative spaces that foster connection and storytelling. Alongside her budding catalog of work, Kaur has been involved with Gracemoon Arts and Theater, a Brooklyn-based company that is a place where artists can push boundaries together and share stories that resonate deeply with audiences.
While most of her theatrical education came from Lonsdale Smith Studios and her love of community theater growing up where she was senior captain of her improv team, the stage was an aspect of the arts that truly “shaped” Kaur as it helped her understand she was an “anomaly… doing something different” and that very element fed her. When we talk about Gracemoon Arts, it’s another part of our conversation where the actress just lights up with her heart taking hold of her voice. “Eighteen of us came together to create a company because we felt that the art form and spirituality of acting — which is using acting to tell the truth, so we love each other more, hate ourselves less — was being diminished. So, the goal was to create theater, film, TV that would all reach that excellence in a community.”
Kaur’s vision extends beyond the traditional theater. The company is built on the idea of fostering artistic excellence and nurturing a sense of community and truth within the creative process. The intimate, close-up theater experience at Gracemoon Arts, where the audience is seated just a meter from the stage, ensures that every performance is raw, authentic, and impossible to fake. For Kaur, this setup serves a purpose: “The purpose of that is to make it so intimate that the acting can’t be false,” she explains. “You feel like you’re in this situation.”
As one of the company’s primary investors, Kaur calls it “home” in every understanding of the word. “I’m so grateful for Sex Lives because we would not have had this theater if it wasn’t for [the show] that I could use this money to give back to charity. I do think that theater is charity, and we’re a charity, and this is where we do the finest acting. I get to practice my muscles.”

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Last month, Kaur wrapped up What We’re Up Against, a play that delves into the complex issue of misogyny — a subject she is deeply passionate about. With the play’s intimate setting and its focus on challenging societal norms reflecting her desire to use art as a means of sparking conversation and self-reflection, she says it’s one of the most immersive experiences the audience will take in. “You’re in the situation, you’re really seeing yourself because you’re right there,” she says, emphasizing the play’s goal of forcing audiences to confront their own behaviors. “Then we can have a conversation about it, a real conversation about it. I think that’s what good acting does, good filmmaking does — it creates conversation when done at its excellence. Gracemoon Arts is my home. I’m very proud of it.”
Kaur’s journey with Gracemoon Arts is a testament to her commitment to not just artistic excellence but also to the power of theater as a vehicle for change. But it’s not all just drama that the actress engages in. In fact, audiences can also expect some more lighthearted fare to keep viewers glued. “We also have a salon for stand-up comedy, and it is the most beautiful comedy stage I’ve seen for comics to do open mics,” she says. “The art form of stand-up is so disrespected. When people do open mics — when I go to do open mics, the places are so grungy, but it is our prerogative to elevate stand-up comedy because I think comedians tell the truth with humor, and that’s very hard to do. It’s very hard to do, and we don’t respect that enough. Their spaces need to be respected.”
As for what’s next for Kaur, the actress has several projects in the works with one that might even have her following in the footsteps of Kaling. But, in terms of acting, the leading lady wants to star and produce in Reasons to Be Pretty at the Gracemoon Theater by playwright Neil LaBute. “I think that’s an amazing play, and I’m looking forward to this. I’ve been very particular about calling the right independent filmmakers to me, doing an independent feature in America, whether it be lead, supporting, that’s the goal. That’s the next thing you’ll see me in.”
With so much of Gracemoon Arts feeding into her everyday life, Kaur feels truly at home at the Brooklyn company. “I’m constantly, every day, working on the practice of telling the truth in my life, in my acting. It’s all the same thing,” she says, beaming with pride about the company. With a strong warmth for sharing her craft through an understanding of herself, Kaur is exactly where she needs to be in her career. “It’s something I’ve put my heart and soul into. I have invested in it. I have invested my heart into it, my finances into it, because I really do believe in the spirituality of acting and elevating the art of acting. This is a place, this is the home where I’m doing it now.”
The Sex Lives of College Girls is streaming on Max.
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