The Big Picture

Am I OK?
presents a grounded and relatable coming out experience.
The film’s authenticity is aided by writing that was inspired by screenwriter Lauren Pomerantz’s personal struggle.
The movie emphasizes the internal effort and struggle of accepting one’s identity.

Coming out can be one of the most important parts of an LGBTQ+ person’s life, with countless films and shows trying to capture the impact of these moments through a variety of different storytelling techniques. From beautiful moments of acceptance to traumatizing scenes of fear, it’s been amazing to see so many different representations of this monumental step, though it’s unfortunate how many creators embrace these cinematic versions of coming out rather than the grounded, thoroughly confusing experiences they typically are. That is why Am I OK?, directed by Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne, is such a necessity.

This story of a woman realizing her sexuality in her 30s is grounded and, in many ways, ordinary, making it a refreshing addition to the coming-of-age type genre. It embraces the non-picturesque moments of the coming out experience through the main person’s ongoing struggle with understanding herself. The movie understands — most likely because its screenwriter, Lauren Pomerantz, is drawing on personal experience — that coming out can be enlightening, yes, but also extremely uncomfortable and scary. It plays out this rollercoaster of emotions in a deeply resonant presentation of how complex “accepting yourself” really is, completely nailing this real-world experience and creating a plot that so many of its audience can relate to.

Am I Ok? A woman reaches a turning point in her life, grappling with questions about her sexuality and the future of her relationships. With her best friend by her side, she embarks on a path of self-exploration, encountering moments of doubt, clarity, and transformation.Main Genre Drama Writers Lauren Pomerantz

‘Am I OK?’ Leans Into How Complex and Confusing Coming Out Can Be
It’s amazing how many stories exist now detailing the many nuances of the queer experience, with Am I OK? becoming the latest in a long line of projects trying to showcase what it means to be part of the community today. A huge aspect of many of these stories is “coming out,” which refers to when a person decides to reveal a part of their identity to those around them. This is a huge moment in most people’s experience that can lead to countless different kinds of responses. There have been many different interpretations of this experience in TV and movies, though they typically fall on the extreme side of the spectrum (accepting or disowning). There are beautiful moments of radical acceptance like in Heartstopper or Never Have I Ever, or extremely sad, often hard-fought scenes of embittered admittance like in Moonlight. No matter other people’s responses, these are always dramatic, setting up a precedent that coming out is almost always this big affair that requires immense thought and emotional turmoil.

While there are always emotions involved, it’s shocking how many people’s real experience with coming out is a grounded, oftentimes bland affair. This is something that Am I OK? captures perfectly through its story of Lucy (Dakota Johnson) realizing at the age of 32 that maybe it’s “not normal” how little she likes being intimate with men and, much more importantly, how badly she wants to be with women. She makes this revelation the same night that she discovers her best friend, Jane (Sonoya Mizuno), is leaving her for a job in London, leading to an evening of drinks and tears that stumble into this huge revelation. The scene itself is hilariously somber, with the best friends having a sleepover and talking through Lucy’s feelings in a jumbled way that comes to define the film as a whole. This is not to say that the rest of the movie is confusing, as writer Lauren Pomerantzdrew on some very personal anecdotes to create a resonant plot of acceptance. Rather, it’s the confusion and lack of answers that Lucy finds in this scene that is emphasized throughout the plot, which in turn makes one thing clear: coming out is a beautiful thing, but it can also be confusing as hell.

Dakota Johnson’s Lucy Is Afraid Everything Will Change

Am I OK?’s coming out scene focuses on a drunken Lucy in bed with Jane, their sleepover beginning to emotionally unravel when Lucy admits how badly she wants to kiss another woman. Jane apologizes for not asking her before, with Lucy assuring her that she didn’t even know herself; she quickly becomes overwhelmed with questions about her preferences, the different titles that might apply to her, and a wave of self-deprecation as she thinks it’s embarrassing not to realize your sexuality until you’re 32 years old.

This scene, while comedic, encapsulates the shaky negativity that so many people’s coming out embodies. Not a hatred of being non-heterosexual (as many modern people thankfully seem to understand the validity of these identities) but the shock that comes with questioning whether you truly know yourself and wondering if this new thing to accept means that everything in your life will have to change. Many people who come out loved their lives before doing so, something that is often forgotten in the stories that fill the media about people who suffer daily by keeping their sexuality a secret. This scene doesn’t discount those individuals but gives some much-needed representation to folks who feel understandably scared performing so much introspection, recognizing that this can lead to glorious self-acceptance but also some terrible discomfort as well.

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The authenticity of this moment is aided by the film’s amazing writing and a plot derived from the experiences of screenwriter Lauren Pomerantz herself. The creator has described what an intimate experience writing this movie was for her, as she drew from her own experience of internal struggle while coming out at what many consider a later stage in life. She explained, “As I kind of began my coming out journey, and then finally came out, I was like, ‘Oh, this is the story that I want to tell.’ Because this is the story that I haven’t seen yet which is the later in life, for the most part, a person struggling in a way that I hadn’t seen it.” Luckily, just like Lucy, Pomerantz had some great friends to help her get through it, but this scene shows how hard it can be to start those conversations and how the actual action of self-acceptance is only something a person can do for themselves. This imbues the entire film with a grounded realism, one that isn’t often seen and is an extremely necessary addition to the genre as a whole.

‘Am I OK?’ Is More Relatable Than Dramatic

Coming out is a different experience for every person. Just as Am I OK?’s interpretation of this moment resonates with many watching, so do the hundreds of others that came before it. Sure, some shows or movies might exaggerate the dramatics of these scenes for the sake of the story, but that doesn’t discount the real impact they have on everyone watching. While the different interpretations are valid, it can’t be denied how little representation there is for those whose coming out experience wasn’t nearly as breathtaking as the ones usually portrayed in the media.

This movie shows a grown adult finding out a huge part of themselves in an awkward, agonizing way, one that focuses on the intricacies of coming out but doesn’t turn it into some traumatic showcase of how hard the LGBTQ+ experience is or some picturesque moment where everything suddenly feels perfect. Aided by the deep connection its creators have with the story, Am I OK? creates a deeply confusing, stressful, and relatable tale that so many watching can relate to and can finally feel seen by.

Am I OK? is available to watch on Max in the U.S.

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