What would you do if you found out your partner was lying to you about liking your work? That is the question at the core of Nicole Holofcener’s 2023 film You Hurt My Feelings. It stars Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Beth, a writer who is forced to examine her work and her relationship after overhearing her husband Don (Tobias Menzies) tell someone that he doesn’t like her new book. The film features an incisively sharp, poignant, and funny script — something audiences have come to expect from Holofcener — that examines why we sometimes feel compelled to lie to those closest to us, as well as what hardships can accompany defining yourself by your work. With such universal themes being explored, You Hurt My Feelings truly is a film with something for everyone.
Nicole Holofcener’s Script Explores the Fragile Nature of Trust in Relationships

Beth and Don are introduced to the audience as a happy, successful, and well-adjusted couple in You Hurt My Feelings. She is an accomplished writer and teacher, and he is a therapist with his own practice. They have a 23-year-old son whom they shower with nothing but love and support. Although the opening scene hints at the fact that Don may be feeling unfulfilled in his job, there are no problems in sight with regard to the couple’s relationship at the film’s outset. That all changes when Beth hears Don tell her brother-in-law that he doesn’t like the new book she’s been working on, while she and her sister are playfully sneaking up on the two men at Paragon Sports. Beth is not only devastated, but shocked considering that Don has told her over and over that he loves the book every time she’s asked him to read it. This revelation causes her deep pain, and forces her to question whether or not she can trust her husband going forward.
Arian Moayed of Succession fame and Michaela Watkins star as the aforementioned brother-in-law and sister. As the film progresses, it becomes clear the ways in which Holofcener’s smart but simple premise is relevant to not only the two people directly involved with the central lie, but all four main characters. Mark (Moayed) is a working actor and Sarah (Watkins) is an interior decorator. Much like Beth and Don, the two have a healthy relationship. But, in the wake of the lie, the viewer sees how Mark and Sarah’s relationship also acts as a way to explore the film’s main themes of why we lie and what struggles people who find value in their work can face when they share that work with the people in their life.

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You Hurt My Feelings was Louis-Dreyfus and Holofcener’s second film together. The pair first teamed up on the tender and endearingly funny 2013 rom-com Enough Said. Given the success of both films, it is clear that Holofcener is incredibly adept at writing for Louis-Dreyfus’ voice and comedic tone. She also brings out the best in Louis-Dreyfus as a dramatic actor. You Hurt My Feelings works, in large part, due to the memorable and emotionally resonant performance given by the former Veep and Seinfeld star.
A24’s ‘You Hurt My Feelings’ Is an Examination of the Lies We Sometimes Have To Tell

In an interview with the New York Times, Holofcener stated the idea for this film came when she began questioning whether the people who screened her movies or read her scripts were giving her an honest assessment:

“It started brewing as soon as I started screening my movies or having people read my scripts, wondering if they’re telling me the truth or not. And believing that I can tell. What a nightmare this situation would be, if somebody that close to me revealed to someone else that they didn’t like my work, or even just one of my movies.”

Centering her story on a married couple gave further depth to the question of what would happen if this type of lie was revealed, and You Hurt My Feelings brilliantly doesn’t just condemn Don for lying. Holofcener understands the nuance of the situation she presents in the film. Rather than just focusing her story on the lie itself, she examines the reason for the lie in the first place. Through Don and Beth, the viewer is reminded that we often have to lie to people in our lives in order to protect or support them. But, Holofcener then questions the selfish nature of such support. The film asks: if your way of supporting someone is lying to them in order to avoid a difficult or awkward conversation, is this support actually selfish? The answer may be yes, especially when that tough conversation may ultimately be more beneficial for the other person than blind support.

You Hurt My Feelings also explores how supportive lies can sometimes be a burden. This is seen through Beth and Don’s relationship with their son, Eliot (Owen Teague). An aspiring playwright who is currently employed as the manager of a weed shop, Eliot receives nothing but overwhelming support from his parents, especially his mom. So much so, that he actually has to tell them to stop. This plotline acts as a way for Holofcener to address the idea that constantly telling someone they are great at something, even when they might not be, can sometimes just be setting them up for failure.
As complicated as You Hurt My Feeling’s central questions are, one of the best aspects of the film is the simple way the story resolves itself. Holofcener has always been gifted at naturalistic storytelling. She doesn’t overdramatize the film’s central conflict for the sake of entertainment or unnecessary tension-building. She presents a true-to-life portrait of marriage, all the way through the overtly realistic “time heals all wounds” way that Beth and Don resolve their issue. It was an equally bold and clever decision, one aided by the outstanding work done by Louis-Dreyfus and the rest of the cast.
You Hurt My Feelings is available to watch on Netflix in the U.S.
WATCH ON NETFLIX

You Hurt My Feelings

Release Date

May 25, 2023

Runtime

93 minutes

Director

Nicole Holofcener