Speaking on her decision to bring the story of chief royal mistress Jeanne du Barry to screen, French actress and director Maïwenn said the figure of the Countess seduced her because she is a “magnificent loser,” adding that the allure might have a thing or two to the similarities they share. And, after watching Cannes opener “Jeanne du Barry,” it is easy to see why the controversial director identifies with her heroine. Maïwenn, too, has a penchant for mistaking pantomime flair for empowerment and flocks to public contention as a fly to bright lights. Her latest arrived at the glitzy Croisette under a curtain of scrutiny after weeks of high-profile disputes. 
A week before the opening ceremony, the director admitted to spitting on a journalist, an act the reporter believes to have been caused due to his publishing of an investigation into rape and sexual assault allegations against Luc Besson, to whom Maïwenn was married in the 90s. On top of this particular scandal, “Jeanne du Barry” led to the creation of the #CannesYouNot movement, led by Amber Heard supporters who protest Cannes’ highlighting of a film starring Johnny Depp less than a year after the grotesque domestic violence trial that pitted the American actor and his former wife into the greedy pits of tabloids and social media alike.
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Pardon the brief sidebar, but it feels only apt to briefly dissect the uproar surrounding “Jeanne du Barry” as Maïwenn chooses to have the very American, very misplaced Depp as Louis XV, portrayed here as a kind, benevolent lover to the rebellious du Barry, played by the director herself. In this retelling of the lesser-known story to feat the greatly popular Marie Antoinette, the French monarchy is placed under an almost slapstick lens, “Jeanne du Barry” leaning heavily towards overused gags to compensate for a grueling lack of depth.
We begin with Jeanne as a young girl, the illegitimate daughter of a seamstress welcomed into the lavish abode of a lord. With the hormones of adolescence vigorously pumping through her veins, Jeanne becomes enamored with the possibilities of eroticism and soon becomes a threat to the lady of the house. Off to nuns the teen goes, eventually leaving the restrained quarters of the convent and heading into the much looser perimeters of a brothel. It is there that Jeanne meets the charming Count du Barry (Melvil Poupaud), who whisks her away with promises of a life of pampering and mutual benefits. 
As these things usually go, life is far from rosy at the du Barry residence and after a few gruelling years of filling the physically abusive Count du Barry’s pockets by working as a mistress for old, powerful men, Jeanne hops on the chance offered by one of her dearest clients to be introduced to the famously selective King Louis XV. The king, of course, is instantly smitten by the woman, a recurring theme in “Jeanne du Barry”, a film that sees Maïwenn enter rooms to the onomatopeic swoons of lords and common people alike. 
The affair between the king and a woman of the street is far from a fairytale and, yet, Maïwenn is adamant in imbuing their falling in love with the heavy-handed romanticism of classic Disney animations, from the gasp-inducing grand entrances to the mousy-faced villains in the shape of spoilt princesses. In “Jeanne du Barry,” people float aimlessly through the half-baked script as there is no anchor to ground them to an ounce of tangibility, the film often over-relying on aesthetics to compensate for an ever-present sense of senselessness. Sure, the pompous golden-laden rooms of Versailles are beautiful to look at, but no amount of adorned production design and overly dramatic score can mask the gaping hole of pointlessness. 
More than once, Maïwenn attempts to lean into the rebel-turned-icon narrative that fueled recent festival hits such as “Corsage” and “Spencer”, pointedly inserting commentary on how criticism often finds its way into homage. Still, when the titular character is built so one-dimensionally, it is hard to see her as anything but an avatar meant to stand for rulebreakers suffering within the confinements of spaces built on rules, a very on-the-nose nod to the woman at the helm of the production. 
The acting does little to salvage the muddled story, with Depp’s French accent almost as distracting as his distorted make-up, the actor’s heavy-handed performance aiming for a comic affectation but landing dangerously close to pastiche. Playing opposite Depp, Maïwenn dramatically contorts her face in an attempt to convey emotions she fails to embody through the tonal shifts of her performance, the protagonist rarely able to evoke the empathy — or loathing — the film so desperately needs. 
If it wasn’t for the highly-publicized scandals that envelop “Jeanne du Barry,” it is likely the film would make a swift turn from the red carpet into ostracism, and while the hubbub certainly delays the process, it will do little to prevent Maïwenn’s dire latest from the merciless hands of oblivion. [D-] 
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